Monday, July 30, 2007


Define myself.


How would you answer if you had an essay question that reads "Define yourself"? Damn hard question right? In the few hours that lead up to my 21st bday, allow me to attempt to answer that tough qn...

Hi, I am Wei Xiang. My surname is Ng. I like to spell my name "Weixiang" instead of "Wei Xiang" because somehow it looks nicer, and it saves me a space. My Chinese name is written as "威翔". Chosen by my mother, it is 21 strokes in total, calculated to suit my 生辰八字, and it has an obvious meaning: 威武地飞翔.

But of course, that's the definition of my name, not me.

I am Wei Xiang, born and raised in Singapore. I have spent most of my life living in a northern part of Singapore known as Yishun (or to some as Khatib), except one year in Bukit Batok and 6 months in army camps and wildernesses. My apartment is a HDB 5-room flat and my room is painted lime green, furnished with dark brown furniture that I have painstakingly hunted from all over S'pore.

Den again, that's where I live. Let me try harder.

I am Wei Xiang and I think I'm an agnostic that is getting more atheist by the day. I see God as a personification of natural forces that created (I'm sorry that I had to use this word) and shaped this world. It is mainly through science, logic and reason that I view the world. I am awed by the sheer elegance and beauty of it all - the very same science that explains how my computer works also explains how people fall sick, why the sky is blue, and how the stars and planets revolve around each other.

I am Wei Xiang and although I am no saint, I think I know the difference between right and wrong. I do not need a book or a religious leader to tell me what is good and evil, and certainly do not need the fear of hell or karmic retribution to keep me from committing wrongs. Conversely, I do not need the promise of heaven or nirvana to compel me to do good deeds. I believe the sense of morality is based on instincts selected by thousands of years of evolution and shaped by the current expectations of society. A purely destructive, or "evil" being would never be tolerated by the ecosystem.

I am Wei Xiang and I used to be disturbed by the question: "what is the purpose of all creation". Why do we exist? Why does the universe exist? What "made" the universe? What is the purpose of sentient life? Do we serve a purpose? Then I realised that we do not need a purpose to serve. Maybe there is a greater purpose! Who knows? But I am content with not knowing what this purpose is, or even whether it exists. Because we can all choose our purposes. Find our own meaning. And if it all makes sense, to yourself, that is enough. What greater purpose does a race or a marathon serve? None. But the athlete finds his own meaning in it. Maybe there is a God and there is a meaning determined by Him that we are supposed to strive towards. But why not the converse? Why not we, guided by our own knowledge and wisdom, choose our own destinies instead of believing in blind faith?

I am Wei Xiang and I used to fear the oblivion of death. I used to lie uneasily in bed at night, thinking about what happens after death. And I clung to the hope of an afterlife because I cannot grasp the meaning of life if it was so transient, so flitting. But I no longer fear. For I think I have found meaning. At least my meaning. Someone asked me b4: "My religion offers me eternity after death. What about you?" (mind you, the previous statement was made in a heart to heart discussion, not as a challenge or an evangelistic approach) I have found my own kind of eternity.

I am Wei Xiang and when I leave this world, I do not hope to remembered, for those who remember me will surely also one day pass from this world. Even if my name is immortalised upon some stone or some paper, it is only my name that is remembered, not me. Then what is my eternity? When I leave this world, I hope to leave an invisible but significant mark upon this world - the lives that I have touched in my life shall go on to touch others, generation unto generation. That is my meaning of life, my eternity. And because of that, I no longer fear the oblivion after death.

I am Wei Xiang and I am a medical student. Why do I want to do medicine? The reasons I wrote in my personal statement for the application seem so familiar, yet so...distant. Ask me to say one single reason for my wanting to do medicine and I will be at a loss for words. But one thing is for sure - there isn't any thing else in the world that I hope to be doing. Even it gets tiring and sometimes, downright shitty, medicine still feels right - still feels the one and only thing that is right. Even my 2nd choice in my application 2 and a half years ago (FYI its life science), seem absurd now.

I am Wei Xiang and I hope one day I can become a good doctor. I continue to be inspired by the doctors I meet everyday - persons of seemingly superhuman skill, wisdom, endurance and patience. I don't know how am I supposed to reach their level. Maybe I never will, but I hope I will be worthy enough to bear the title of Dr.

I am Wei Xiang and even if you do not know me, by this time, you should already know that I am hopelessly idealistic and perfectionist. Sometimes to the point of arrogance and stubbornness. Even though I do not believe in horoscopes, I think my character fits the profile of a Leo - proud, headstrong, insensitive. I don't think I'm completely tactless, but I do have problem figuring out what other people are feeling. A (quite thorough) personality test I did years ago said that I "can be so inwardly focused such that I neglect my surroundings and the people around me". However, some of my friends seem to read me like a book.

I am Wei Xiang and I am glad to be able to call some of you friends. Friends that I can talk to, go out with, share my thoughts with, inspire me, make me laugh, make me pissed off.. most importantly friends that whose mere presence, or existence, brings comfort.

I am Wei Xiang and by the time I finish this post, I shall already be 21. The coming of age. Of responsibility. I am who I am now because of my family, my friends, my teachers and all the people I have encountered in my life. And I shall become who I hope to be because of my family, my friends, my teachers and all the people I am going to meet.

There is so much more to write, yet my energy is limited. I dunno why I'm so pensive tonight, but I hope I have not put anybody off by this long, dull and serious post... and I hope I have not offended anyone with my worldview... Thanks to anyone who bothered to read, and perhaps more importantly, thanks to all those who bothered to remember my birthday..

And I know before 31st of July ends, there shall be more to thank...

But that shall come tmr.. for now..

Goodnight =)

posted by nwxiang at 10:53 PM |


Comments:
heyy..

you are the Wei Xiang, whom we cherish as our good friend. you are also the Wei Xiang whom we love because of your honesty and sincerity to your friends and your positive outlook to life.

jiayou! wish you the very happiest 21st birthday! :)

xiz
# posted by Blogger xiz : Tuesday, July 31, 2007 5:32:00 AM
 
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