Monday, March 10, 2008


A moment of rest, a moment of reflection


What a action-packed 1wk hols... Ate 2 buffets (one sushi, one dim-sum), played squash, played bball, watched a meaningful movie, went to the Zoo (!!!), played mahjong, and even went back to the wards once...so full of action it was, that I deliberately kept the last 2 days free to nua at home.. (ok that was bad phrasing)

This short break has also given me some time for reflection. What did I reflect about? A lot a lot things... probably more than what I can possibly adequately express here. Some of my thoughts are reflected in the previous few posts already.. (ok bad pun there)

I guess a lot of things just boils down to "life". While I would like to believe that I am in control of my life, in the end, I still have to concede that there are certain things beyond human power. Call it luck. Call it opportunity. Call it probability, randomness, chance...etc. Yup. As much as I hate to use the word. I concede.

What to do? Well, I guess I'll just have to trudge on bravely, and perhaps blindly, bashing my head again and again in the process. There are just so many things that I do not understand, or perhaps, in certain cases, many things that I am unwilling to bring myself to understand. I'll have to learn the hard way then. By being hurt, then will I become stronger, more mature.

"You are an anomaly! You understand? An anomaly! You cannot expect others to believe in what you believe, live up to your values, your expectations. The majority of the world doesn't think like you do! We were all brought up in a sheltered environment. We don't know what the real world is like."

I think that was the gist of what a good friend told me. Actually I agree. I am too naive. I trust too easily, believe too easily and perhaps, love too easily. And I think I knew this all along, but those words still jolted me. But, but, still. I choose to carry on, stupidly, stubbornly. What do I hope to see? To achieve? Am I trying to prove something? I am not sure myself. Well, if the real world really gets too overwhelming for me someday, it wouldn't be too late to become more "奸" right?

Hmmm. I'm not sure I'm making sense. Sometimes I feel that these kind of thoughts are hard to put into words. Or maybe because my vocabulary is limited? Before ending my post, allow me to add just one more analogy to my previous post:

If you have friends taking the trip with you, the journey somehow seems shorter, more enjoyable.

Goodnight everybody. Life beckons.

posted by nwxiang at 12:44 AM |


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